My Kids Would NEVER!!!

Hello, Megan. This is life. I'm going to pick you up and whip you around until you don't know which way is bed, what your hair looks like when it's fixed, what sleeping in is like, or that you ever had a life once. You know all those things you said your kids would never do? HAHA! I'm in quite the most hilarious mood, so I'm going to make them do EVERY SINGLE ONE of those things. Motherhood just isn't what you thought it would be now is it?  MWAHAHAH!

1.  My kids will NEVER be picky eaters. I will just make them sit until they eat whatever I cook, or they go to bed hungry. Yeah right. I can count on two hands the number of things Dozer will eat. And it ain't goin' up!

2. My kids will NEVER run around in just a diaper. HA! Some days I'm lucky if they have that on!

3. My kids will NEVER say they hate me. Like I can control that mouth.

4. My kids will NEVER pick their noses. Some days, no make that most days, I give up telling him to get his finger out of his nose.

5. My kids will NEVER eat their poop. Not only have they BOTH done that, it has also included dog, rabbit, goat, and chicken poop! If you go outside, babies will put poop in their mouths. Period.

6. My kids will NEVER be babysat by the TV.  You can stop laughing now.

7. My kids will NEVER get left alone in the car. Not even for 5 seconds. You can tell I said that before I had a baby that screamed for hours before finally falling asleep in the carseat right as I arrived at the post office to mail a box. SO not going to wake a sleeping baby!!!

8. My kids will NEVER have dirty faces. Now days I'm lucky if I can go out in public with clean faces.

9. My kids will NEVER get what they want when they throw a tantrum. I am ashamed to say I have caved.

10. My kids will NEVER have to cry themselves to sleep. I had this beautiful belief that I would tenderly rock my babies to sleep every night. I had no IDEA that those sweet innocent angels could drive you so far to the dark side!

11. My kids will NEVER be securely attached to a binky. And if they were, I'd take it away before they were 1 year old. When my kids turned 1, I had this terrible turmoil inside me. Do I really want to give up this easy sleeping routine just to take away the binky? Just a few more weeks can't hurt.  and a few more. and a few more.

12. My kids will NEVER break any of my important stuff. I'll just keep it hidden safely away. Yeah right. They are smart and sneaky!!! Nothing is safe!

13. My kids will NEVER eat junk food for a meal. But when you are so worn out emotionally and physically, you will do almost anything to make them happy. Including donuts for lunch.

14. My kids will NEVER get into the diaper rash cream, deodorant, toothpaste, soap, makeup, silica gel packets, lotion, dish detergent, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, or body wash. I used to work at poison control and had multiple calls EVERY DAY about kids getting into this stuff. So I vowed that MY kids would never get into it. Haha! At least they haven't gotten into the actually toxic stuff. I have kept my word on that.

15. My kids will NEVER push me beyond my limits. I'll be able to handle anything!  Youthful thinking. I know, it's so far beyond realistic, it's like twilight.

Well, guess what life? Yes, my kids aren't what I thought they would be. They do things that mortify me, anger me, and make me cry. They push me beyond what I thought I could handle and further. I have seen (and hated) the worst parts of myself. But guess what, life? If you thought you were showing me just how terrible motherhood could be, you were wrong. Because you also showed me things I never thought I would find so blissful and fulfilling.

1. I never knew how fun it would be to slurp ramen noodles with my kids.

2. I never knew how triumphant Dozer and I would feel when he went poop on the potty for the first time!

3. I never knew how many hours I could read kids books straight and still enjoy it.

4. I never knew how messy and how fun letting Dozer mix the pancake batter would be.

5. I never knew that baby smiles would make me cry.

6. I never knew how fun it would be to spontaneously run out in the sprinklers with all our clothes on.

7. I never knew I would be ok with being sleep deprived.

8. I never knew how Christmas morning would be to watch the magic in their eyes.

9. I never knew giving birth to my children would be the best days of my life.

10. I never knew how cute Dozer's scribbles would be.

11. I never knew how much I would love slobbery kisses.

12. I never knew how much I would miss them after even a date.

13. I never knew how much I would love letting them come sleep in our bed.

14. I never knew how much I would love the little tiny hand prints on my windows.

15.  I never knew how hard it would be to watch them grow up.

16.  I never knew how fun it would be to watch Dozer make a mess with play doh.

17. I never knew how fun it would be to buy Dozer's favorite toy for him.

18. I never knew how fun it would be to let them play in the paper shredder shreds.

19. I never knew how fun it would be to hunt penny frogs in the back yard.

20. I never knew how much I would fall in love.

No, life. Motherhood isn't what I thought it would be.

It's better.

I know I'm not the only one that has had times where I had to eat my words :). What are your "my kids would NEVER" experiences?