Learning to be Me.

I know I'm not the only one struggling with this lately. I KNOW that I can't be the only one who feels vulnerable and inferior sometimes. Most of the time. This is a really open post, and I don't do this often. Haha, ever really. But I guess I've been down a little bit, and that's when I struggle the most. There is SO much pressure in our society to be a "perfect mom" "perfect woman" "perfect ANYTHING"!!! Whatever roll you play, male, female, mom, dad, sister, etc, etc, etc. You feel the pressure.

I see so many of my friends who go through some pretty terrible trials. Hard lives, rough marriages, deaths, infertility, being single parents, financial devastation, and the list NEVER ends. And I KNOW it is FAR harder on them than they let on or ever tell anyone. But the simple story that I know of them makes them SUPER HEROS in my eyes. They handle so much and can STILL find the courage and strength to face each day. Never knowing when the end will be, never knowing how much more they can take, and having to deal with judgements of others on top of it all.

Now, I'm SO not trying to make their problems about me! I try to be supportive and loving as much as I know how to. I try so hard to relieve burden when I can. But, sometimes I just don't know how because I haven't suffered in some of their trials. I know what it is like to miscarry. Twice. I know what it is like to feel the pain of failing to get pregnant. But I don't know how it feels to lose a baby. I don't know what it is like to be a single mom. I don't know how it feels to have a terrible marriage. I don't know what would help the most, or hurt instead.

So, how does all this lead up to me? I just feel like I could never measure up to them. They have to handle so much that I am sure I never could. They have patience I'll never have. And of course there is stupid pinterest. Showing me all these things "good" moms do. And-if-I-was-a-good-mom-I'd-do-them-too sort of thing. I am NOT throwing myself a pity party here! Be patient and I'll get to the good part. It's hard to open up on a blog!

I'm not a real crafty person. I'm not a good decorator. I'm not a really good cook. I'm not a fashion expert. I'm not patient. I feel like I'm not a good mom. I feel like I'm not a good wife. I am not good at anger management. I'm not good at singing. I'm not good at playing the piano. I'm not good at keeping up all my relationships with friends and family. I'm not good at keeping my house clean. I'm not good at budgeting. I'm not good at people skills. I'm not good at my job. I'm not good at gardening. I'm not good at planning activities for my church calling. I'm not good with words. I'm not a good blogger. I'm not good at being inspirational. I'm not beautiful. I'm not good at keeping a schedule. I'm not good at scrapbooking. I'm not good at being creative.

I could go on and on about anything and everything. It's easy to do. Especially with the pressure in our society to be

"perfect."

I am not a Twilight fan, but I will ALWAYS be a Harry Potter fan.

This is one of my favorites:

Our choices.

I am not good at all those things, but that doesn't make me who I am! I am not less of a person because I can't do these things well. I am not less of a human or woman because I'm not good or perfect at something.

My CHOICES define me. MY CHOICES make me who I am.

I CHOOSE to be a mother.

I CHOOSE to be a wife.

I CHOOSE to spend time one on one time with my children every day.

I CHOOSE to do things I enjoy even if I am not very good at them.

My personal worth is NOT dependent on the things I do or things I accomplish or the trials I overcome. I can still be a good person even if I don't know what it's like to experience hard trials. I can still be a good person because of the CHOICES I make.

So even though I'm not always good at these,

I choose to be loving.

I choose to be compassionate.

I choose to be happy.

I choose to be happy regardless of my poor housekeeping skills, poor hairline, big feet, baby weight, messy house, crappy scrapbooking skills, unorganized life. I am going to be me and no one else.

I choose not to be fake. I go to the grocery store in my sweat pants. I don't get a shower every day. I act myself around everyone. What you see is what you get. And if some days it is a oily haired, no make-up, snot on my shirt, mismatched, tired and stressed out me, then that's what you get. I don't pretend that that isn't me on most days. It is! Because I'm a mom, and I love it. I wouldn't trade any day like that for any other perfect day without my kids. :)

And that's how I'm learning to be me.

What about you?